I Thought They Would Never Leave!

2nd September, 2009 - Posted by L. John Mason -

Our family has a weird tradition. Whenever “company” leaves the house after a visit, we gather by the front door and say, just loud enough for the company to hear, “I thought they would never leave.” We do this with love and laughter. We do this to friends and especially to family. I admit that I find pleasure in this tradition AND I do not take credit for starting this tradition. My sister-in-law, who can be very funny and a “wise-guy” in her way, was the first in our family to use this endearing departure ritual.

Many families have their own unique departure ritual. Our next door neighbors start hooting and screaming so the whole neighborhood knows when their grown children (and the children’s family) are headed down the road at the end of their visit. Sometimes I will rush to my front door and join in ‘cause it is so much fun and, I admit, I like loud!

But what is this ritual really about. Not only a sign of affection, it is a moment of transition and a celebration, perhaps, of our loss of this loved one. Love is not always expressed in appropriate ways… It may be a way that I express my pain or my sense of loss as these important people move away from me and my home. In fact, often people do not understand and can take the gesture in the wrong way… Oh well, they do not really understand this expression of love in its weird form… Cultures have different ways to deal with difficult interpersonal transitions. We do not always know the best way or the most appropriate ways to handle our feelings when people enter or leave our “space.”

So, look at your behaviors and habits and identify when you may actually be uncomfortable with a change. Also, do not be too quick to negatively judge someone else who may be struggling with their transitions. And, if you hear me mutter, “I thought they would leave!” when you pass out my front door, know that I said this because I will miss you and I want to have some fun to disguise my sense of loss… Go in Peace.