Happy 13th Birthday, Mr. Ethan

22nd February, 2010 - Posted by -

My “Little Brother” is turning 13 this week. It is a big event in his young life. I have been his “Big Brother” for 3 and 1/2 years and we have had many experiences in that time. We get together almost every week on Saturday for 4-5 hours. It has been a rewarding experience for both of us. There are too many stories to tell in this short blog, but many are humorous and interesting.

In some cultures, young men go through certain rituals as they move from childhood to being considered adults. In some religions, the transition from boy to man happens at the age of thirteen. In our American culture, the most notable transition at thirteen is the child enters the “dreaded” teenage years which are defined by an increase in oppositional behaviors, strong attitudes, and the mystique of assumed independence. My friend, Mr. Ethan, is viewing his birthday transition as a time of receiving gifts and as one step closer to driving a car. But as I sit here, I ponder creating a small ritual for him to honor his transition into the teenage years with focused attention on the increased responsibilities of becoming a burgeoning young adult. In Jewish tradition, a young male turning 13 undergoes a ritual called a Bar Mitzvah which prepares him to join the male adults in religious services. There are some adult responsibilities which are also assigned this transition.

In our local community, a thirteen year old is not really honored or celebrated by the community. The only impact that I know about for this transition is that law enforcement agencies treat juvenile offenders thirteen or older with a stricter discipline policy that can include incarceration in a “detention” facility more easily than for younger offenders. (This is not what Mr. Ethan is celebrating.)

So I ask myself, what meaningful ceremony can I create for Mr. Ethan that may provide a positive impact for him? What can I do to have him pay attention to his ongoing transition and cause him to reflect on his development into the world of adults? Should I buy him a tie or a briefcase or a fountain pen? Should I take him out to a real restaurant instead of a fast food joint? Should I buy him an expensive watch and give him the responsibility of caring for it (this is not going to happen…)? Should I take him to a sweat lodge? Since I am the father figure in his life, what should my responsibilty to him be?

I am not sure what I will decide or what will happen. I am sure that I will consider this carefully and possibly with more respect than Mr. Ethan will give it…. And, as it should be, he will cause me to live in the present moment, which is what I celebrate in our relationship.

Blessings and respect for all the transitions we navigate.