Life or Death: How Would You Choose?

14th March, 2010 - Posted by L. John Mason -

Have you considered what you would do if you were told you had a severe diagnosis like Stage 3 cancer? Maybe your situation might be labeled as “terminal.” Would you choose to fight, using every possible medical and alternative healing intervention possible or would you accept your fate and work to die with simple dignity? Many people, and their families, face this difficult decision. How would YOU deal with this situation?

Many people are afraid of the medical procedures. Many people are unable to do the research to find good alternative approaches. Many people CAN NOT AFFORD the medical treatments! Should finances play a role in the decision whether to live or to die? For some, money is no object. However, for most of us the expense of fighting for our lives, or the lives of our loved ones, is a HUGE ISSUE!

Some people will accept the situation and resign themselves to die more quickly, and they can let go of their will to live, and die sooner. Some people fear death so much that their anxiety drives them to not accept a terminal diagnosis and to fight, sometimes well beyond their time. Sometimes it is anger that drives the situation and either helps to slow down the process or it can speed up the process.

Ultimately, we must all face our mortality. But how each person decides to deal with this challenge is unique.

The role of the caregiver or partner to a terminally ill person is very difficult. We have to sit there and support our loved one, but are often powerless to participate in meaningful ways to “fix” our partner (parent, child, spouse, friend, lover, relative….) We have our hands tied because we are not God and no matter what we want, the solution is not ours to give. As caregivers, we are victims that have to deal with our own anxiety and our partner’s situation without any CONTROL over what happens. This can lead to anxiety and depression, and all the physical and emotional symptoms that are related to being a concerned person with no control of the situation. A feeling of helplessness can often accompany both the caregiver and the patient.

I believe that taking some control over our stress and anxiety is empowering at times like this. I believe that a balance of both fighting the diagnosis (and the prognosis) while also learning the lesson of acceptance can be difficult but very useful. I believe that good hospice counseling and emotional support are necessary for everyone going through this painful challenge and, ultimately, letting go of the fear of dying or the fear of loss will be best… You must choose the best pathway for yourself and your loved one.

Since we all must confront our own mortality, and death, at some point, it may be best not hide from this and make peace with this challenge in whatever way you choose. Putting off the process of confronting death and dying can make for awkward and ungraceful transitions when the time arises. Death is not the enemy, though the will for survival creates confrontations of faith that provide huge tests for most mortals. Please find your peace, in your way and reach out for assistance and support from the healthy people in your life. 

The process as a patient or as a caregiver can go on for years or it may last only moments. No matter the time frame, sharing in this experience will be lessons that are significant and, though often difficult, rewarding. Please celebrate the process and be as present (in the moment) as possible. Turn on the light and explore the darkness because it can assist you to find value, meaning, and positive directions to celebrate in your life.

I do not claim to have all the answers… I find myself as just a fellow traveler with my own lessons to learn… Add your comments, if you feel the need to express yourself.